Hit Me With Your Best Shoes

I have inadvertently been drawn into a shoe discussion in which I feel woefully inadequate to participate. Shoes used to be fun for me, until I was in a very bad car accident in 1994 and started having what I thought were back problems. I could no longer wear the sexy heels and funkylicious shoes to which I had become not only accustomed, but quite enamored as well. After ten years of being sent to back specialists who were unable to find what was causing me such lower back pain, and after being forced to close the private practice I had spent eleven years building up because I could no longer drive into town to see clients or sit with them for even fifty minute sessions, I was sent to a disability doctor who suggested perhaps the problem was my hip rather than my lower back. (Believe it or not, this is the short version. And I promise to tie it in with shoes, I really do.)

When I went in to see the hip doctor and he took x-rays of my right hip, he told me he was shocked I could even walk into his office unassisted. All of my cartilege was completely worn away, and the ball and socket joints were rough and ragged, causing excrutiating rubbing whenever I moved. I had the hip of an eighty year old woman, and I was 48 at the time. This explained why I'd eventually been able to do nothing but lay flat on my back, wondering if I was either nuts or had some new as-of-yet undiscovered back ailment. It was now 2004, ten years after the car accident which gave me what turned out to be osteoarthritis in my hips.

Suffice it to say, during my long tenure of pain and misdiagnosis, I had given up my fun female shoes. Gone were the funky platforms in an array of colors and leathers. Gone were the sexy "do me" pumps that elevated me to a new height of 6'4". Gone were the little metallic strappy sandals that made me feel like a Grecian queen when adorned bare legged or with shimmery sheer stockings (Oh, how I loved to go bare-legged!) I had been reduced to wearing only size 11 flats with thick pads in the soles and arch supports, eliminating any possibility of any sort of heel or open side or back.

Although the option for fun shoes has diminished, the need remains. Here are some examples of how I feed my need for shoes today. There are many more, but this is all I could provide you with as I am now recovering from another hip replacement, now on my left side, and rummaging through the closet is currently a challenge. I cannot possibly hope to compete with the penny-wise Prada-loving Prevost Princess or the money-throwing mall-loving eBay-eshewing Robin. Please accept these humble offerings with a minimum of expectation and criticisms.


The first shoes I wore after this last hip replacement of three weeks ago. They are Lands End water shoes, which I wear year round for comfort. They last forever and I like their funkiness. They are mesh on the sides so I usually wear red or floral socks, as shown. Believe it or not I get a lot of compliments on them, especially from hospital personell who are always seeking comfy footwear.


My work shoes that are similar to those found on Doreen's blog. I bought them in an army-navy store about 20 years ago and I love them. They are mens boots made of sturdy cotton mesh and grey suede, and they have steel toes. I was turned onto steel toes when I worked in a plywood factory in Wisconsin thirty years ago. They give good foot support and really extend the life of the shoe. Plus they're perfect for kicking ass when you run into those vicious shoe-robbers in dark alleys.



These are Born shoes which have a thick rubber sole and good quality suede uppers. I call Borns the straight woman's Berkenstocks. They are hand made in Mexico and are about $90 and worth every penny for foot health and comfort. This sole is about as thick as I can wear anymore, since the car accident of '94 that changed my life. I funkied these up a few years ago by painting little gold swirls all over the suede. I like to wear them with conservative slacks and jackets because I find doing so highlights their funkiness, and many people have asked me where they can buy some.

This is another pair of Borns which I like because they remind me of bowling shoes, only they're prettier and actually fit and you don't have to steal them from a bowling alley. I have this style in three different colors and these are my faves. I am very attracted to this color, as you can see from our master bedroom bedspread which serves as the background. This was also my mother's favorite color, so I guess she wasn't all bad.

Here's a cheap little pair of black leather flats with a shiny mesh fabric around the opening. I believe I bought them at Target, or Tar-Schay as psuedopretentious folks like me prefer to call it. I sewed sturdy grained cotton ribbon loops on the sides and entwined them with sheer shimmery ribbon for a ballerina effect. I decided to place the bow at the bottom of the loops instead of at the top so they poke out when I wear them with slacks. They are simple but feminine and are nice with slacks or skirts.

Well, that's it ladies. Some day I hope to be able to buy pricey shoes again, and maybe even hot sexy ones that I can really feel pretty in, but for now this is an example of what I've got. Your turns. Hit me with your best shots, er, shoes...Fire Away!

Fun In Bed

Heh heh - made you look.

I hurt my back - bad - last week, and it really set my hip recovery back. I have to lay here doing nothing all day, for days on end, until my back heals. (Thank goddess for being able to prop the laptop up on pillows whilst flat on my back, or I'd totally lose my mind, is all I can say.) Then tonight my dear sweet hubby brought me a little something from Best Buy. Nothing lifts the spirits of a bedridden back-hurtin' bored and just-about-can't-stand-it anymore gal than the first B-52s album of the 21st century. Play the video on the link for just a taste of the kind of fun social commentary and ass-kicking dance grooves this great band is known for. I can't wait til I can dance again!

Voting On A Walker

Since I live in PA and am registered as a Democrat, I'm venturing out to vote today. I'm hoping they'll push me to the head of the line since I'm still on my walker. If the walker doesn't do it, perhaps some moaning and groaning while drooling and making pitiful painful faces will help. Hey, if you've got it, flaunt it.

It's All About MeMe

My online friend and fellow memoirist Leah has tagged me, so I have to do a meme. Is this called meme because its all about Me, Me!? I have no idea, but here goes. Today's meme factoids are all about my red carpet work.

1. I work as a talent escort at red carpet events in NYC, and have completely memorized the backstage areas of Radio City Music Hall and Madison Square Garden.

2. The nicest celebrity who I've escorted is George Strait. Most beautiful in person compared to on TV: Susan Lucci. Most wanted to curl up on the lap of and be cuddled forever: Alan Jackson.

3. You guess: I carried the flipflops of a certain talk show host who at the time had an endorsement contract with a major national shoe chain, and who later admitted to having had gastric bypass surgery, while she wore heels temporarily onstage. She was such a diva and the flipflops I carried were very cheap, worn down, dirty, and size 11. And, most importantly, they were not the brand she was paid to expressly wear during her contract of endorsement.

4. It costs me between $300-500 for each event I escort, and I think of the events as vacations. Escorts aren't paid anything and pay for their own meals, accomodations, and travel. Occasionally we are given food vouchers for nearby restauants, especially for MTV events, and MTV also often gives T shirts to be worn with jeans as uniforms. For someone who lives a quiet life as a work at home mommy, this provides a great vacation away from the hubby and kids once or twice a year, as well as enjoyable trips into the city where I also enjoy museums and other cultural events we don't have here in PA. Plus I've interacted with many famous and interesting people who I otherwise would never have the opportunity to meet locally. It's the perfect three day getaway for a people-observer like me.

5. I was almost fired as a talent escort because after the first time I did it I then came home and sold some of Mary kate Olsen's lipstick and other found-on-the-floor event items on eBay. Escorts are told not to faun or act like fans (which I would never do anyway) but I hadn't been told we couldn't sell anything and there were tons of other things from that Daytine Emmy Awards show online, so I thought what the hell. I didn't even know it was her lipstick for sure, so I was honest in my ebay description and said I thought it just might be hers because it was found under her chair. Cost of escorting that event: $350. Money made selling event memorabilia on eBay: $650. Financial Profit: $300. Lesson learned about what not to do as talent escort: Priceless.

6. A talent escort I recommended came to all the staff meetings smelling like booze, then showed up drunk and inappropriately dressed for the Country Music Awards, and flashed her boobs on the red carpet. (Guess she was a little anxious and thought she was going to be a star?) I reported her behavior and apologized to the escort supervisor so he heard about it from me first, and she won't be invited back.

Okay, that was six factoids, and hopefully of some interest. I hereby tag Robin and Doreen. Please give at least five interesting or random facts about yourself, then tag five blogging friends and have them do the same. I'm actually only tagging two blogging friends and not I'm holding either of them to it, because so many bloggers have been tagged and prefer not to do it again. So just do the best you can, and if you don't want to do it at all, no probby!

Congrats to Writer A. S. King

My writer friend Amy, aka fiction writer A.S. King, has written a fabulous book called The Dust of 100 Dogs, which is sure to be a huge hit with young adult as well as adult fiction audiences. We had lunch last week before my surgery, and I actually got teary at the first sight of her new cover. It embodies everything the book is and it's straightforward simplicity also is very Amy.

The first peeks at the cover, as well as any buzz about the book, were not expected for some time, but then this suddenly showed up online. Congrats to Amy. You're such a great talent and you deserve every good thing that comes your way!

Shrink Rap Now Online

My friend Robin has started her own blog, and it's fabulous. She's a very funny child psychiatrist I met back in November when we both took the same stand up comedy course. She's not only naturally funny, but she's also fearless. My technique of readying for standup is to memorize my script, then go up and do it, actor style. This is because I am so self-conscious that it'shard for me to think when more than two people are looking at me at the same time. Robin goes up there and can think clearly enough to decide what material to do depending on how it's going at the time. This to me is true professionalism in the world of standup. I can put on a good show, but I'm not the natural she is.

Please check out Robin's blog, Shrink Rap, here. Robin has also written a humorous book on child psychiatry called Shrink Rap, and hopefully it will be a great success. I'll be posting info on it as son as more is available.

Surgery Update

Although I am certainly not comfortable, this hip replacement recovery is going much better than the one I had four years ago. I got home after four days in the hospital, vs the five days in hosp and week in rehab I had last time. I am also much more ambulatory and in a lot less pain. Yeah, this is going to take a while, but last time it was like I was hit by an eighteen wheeler going 100 miles per hour while carrying a load of explosives, while this time I was only hit by a baby blue colored van going under the speed limit while being driven by a soccer mom.

I have a home health care nurse and a physical therapist coming into our house a few times a week, a great husband whose virtues include patience and neverending caregiving skills, and two beautiful sons who are happy to wait on me hand and foot as well as cover me with hugs and kisses for no reason at all other than that they adore me. The spring sun is streaming in the window and the light wind softly blowing the curtains creates the look of angel wings lightly flapping in the breeze. Our kitty Sophie comes in to visit with a meow occasionally, and he is uncharacteristically undemanding, as though intuitively understanding that Grandmom isn't feeling very well right now. Honestly, how could anyone not thrive in this environment?

Thanks for the comments and emails of support. I appreciate your friendship and concern. That helps healing too.

Hip Hip Hurray!

Unfort, my left hip orthoscopy of November didn't hold, so I'm going into the hospital tomorrow morning at 6:15 a.m. for full another hip replacement. I had my first hip replacement four years ago, after being misdiagnosed as having back problems for ten years following a bad car accident in 1994. By the time I was properly diagnosed as needing a new hip in 2004, the doctor said my right hip was that of an eighty year old woman, and he was amazed I could even walk into his office by myself. I was in my late forties at the time.

After the replacement of my right hip, I had about a year pain-free for the first time in a decade. It was amazing how free I felt ~ almost like I was floating on air at times. I never realized how oppressive chronic pain is until I was free of it. Having that surgery truly gave me my life back.

Now, four years later, it's time for me to kiss my left hip goodbye. Once again I am limping, can't stand up straight, and wake up several times a night in pain. I am exhausted and flaky from sleep deprivation. It frustrates me that my body doesn't match my mind, and I can't dance, or roller skate, or do all the physical things my mind still wants to do. Inside I'm still a frisky young woman who loves to have fun at the drop of a hat, but outside I may cry out in pain at any time if I inadvertently bend or twist the wrong way. It's such a pisser!

Now it's Sunday night. By Thursday night I'll be back home, with a visiting nurse coming in every day and a sweet husband and two loving sons taking care of me, and a purring cat laying next to me. The freezer is packed with the guys' favorite meals so that I can be assured they don't die of malnutrition while I'm bedridden. (My husband, an engineer, can't retrieve messages off the answering machine, set the VCR, or much less, even boil water. Thankfully he can turn on the oven and stick cassaroles inside.)

Last time I went through this, I was in the hospital for five days, in rehab for a week, on a walker for a couple of months, on crutches and a cane for a few more, and in physical therapy for almost half a year. This time I'm going into the surgery much healthier, and I expect to have a better recovery as a result.

I thought I'd be depressed tonight, thinking of all I'm about to go through, but as it turns out, I'm filled with anticipation and grateful for the good health that I do still have. Call me madcap. Yes, it's going to hurt like hell, but still, all is right with the world.