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A Memoirist's Quandry

I have two complete versions of my book. One is a descriptive memoir at 316 pages, with about five pages of redemption at the end. The other is a redemptive memoir at 385 pages with about fifty pages of redemption at the end.

Here's my dilemna. I really want to sell two books. The first one would be descriptive, ala Running With Scissors, The Glass Castle and Angela's Ashes. That's the first one I wrote. It details my experiences growing up with mentally ill parents, until I finally got help at the age of twenty five. My heart is really in this book, which is the book I wish I'd been handed when I felt so alone with the crazy experiences I was subjected to as a child. I would have felt so less alone and crazy if I'd been given this book and discovered that someone else not only survived but actually thrived after growing up in a household as crazy as ours was.

The second book, if I had my way, would be redemptive all the way through, with little flashbacks to fill readers in, in case they haven't read the first one. (In terms of marketing, the second book would also re-fuel sales of the first.) It would detail my therapy and the years in which I was politically involved in advocating for crime victims through public speaking including guesting on many television shows, editing the national newsletter and organizing national conferences for incest survivors, earning three college degrees and opening my own private practice as a therapist, and so forth. It would also cover my family's reaction to that advocacy and my autonomy in general (needless to say, more drama ensued as autonomy's a big no-no in my family of origin.) My heart is in that book too.

The problem is that in today's world of publishing there's no guarantee the second book would even be published unless the first book does very well, and today there are no guarantees of good sales (even for established writers, but especially for new ones.)

In order to appease the imaginary publishing gods, I wrote a second "combination" book which is part descriptive, part redemptive. That's the book that's 385 pages. Despite it's length (my target length was only 300 pages) I had to remove two of my favorite chapters from the first book, and then add about fifty pages of solid redemption at the end to effectively combine the material. I would be satisfied with having that book published, but my heart would not soar the way it would if I had two books published, written the way I feel would do them justice.

I've now had my book read by six or seven people (I'l have to go back thru my notes) and have gotten feedback from one person that it needs to be primarily redemptive with less emphasis on what happened. Everyone else seems to feel that the descriptive chapters, which detail the actual abuse and turmoil, are either helpful or necessary. Two people who haven't read the book both feel that a lot of redemption is necessary. Everyone else tells me to follow my heart in order to produce my best book(s).

It's scary going either way. I only have one chance with each agent I approach and I don't know how each agent stands on the descriptive vs. redemption issue. I'm thinking the best way to cover all my bases is to go with my first (descriptive) book that I truly love, and be sure to include an introductory chapter addressing the issues of surviving growing up in a home with child abuse and mental illness, plus having a solid resources appendix at the back of the book. That way I could tell my whole story but still make it clear that helping others not only survive, but thrive, are my goals in telling it.

What do you think?

Whew! ~ Haven Kimmel's Iodine

I just finished Haven Kimmel's lush Iodine. To a beginning writer like me, it's almost overwhelming to think of producing something like this. I finished my first book last month and, emotionally, that was like giving birth to a baby. However, if I gave birth to a baby, Haven Kimmel's given birth to full term sextuplets, without anesthesia. Here's my amazon review.

It is as though Kimmel allows herself full permission for uninhibited literary extravagance in this lush novel about a tortured young woman who lives homeless in Indiana. Brilliant college student Trace chooses to live in an abandoned farmhouse with her dog Weeds rather than accept the free student room and board she's been offered through scholarship. This engrossing book sweeps the reader up into Trace’s complicated relationships with her father and the much older professor she becomes involved with. What is real and what is not? Is Trace a beacon of clarity or a manipulative liar? Is she crazy, or does her convoluted thinking make sense considering her viewpoint as formed by her experiences? Along the way the reader is faced with deciphering what is real and what is residual confusion and madness from Trace’s past.

This is one of those books which demands an immediate second read. A movie analogy is M. Night Shyamalan’s The Sixth Sense. Second and subsequent viewings prove that there is no wasted line or scene in the movie ~ every word is necessary, and it is highly crafted film. Iodine is crafted to the same level. Every word is necessary and every scene contributes to the gestalt, even though it may not be evident in the first reading. I continually found myself in awe of Kimmel’s writing skills, thoroughness of research, and imagination. It’s hard to believe this came from the same person who wrote Zippy. Kimmel is a true literary artist, and her fans will not be disappointed in Iodine.

Vote For Top Dog Miles

Please vote for my friend Doreen's dog Miles in the Top Dog contest. There are no great prizes, you will not be a shoe-in for heaven, you will not win the lottery or have a large sum of cash fall into your lap if you do this. You will merely be able to live with the satisfying knowledge that you have contributed to a contest which has no redeaming value other than being fun.

It's August, the dog days of summer. Why not?

Adventures in Movie World

NOTE: I've removed the pictures of our son, but please enjoy the other pictures in this post.

Last year our older son Kahl had some parts in a movie being filmed locally, much to his dismay. I took him to the auditions, thinking it might give him something interesting to do. He wanted to act when he was younger, ever since his Barney days when he was around four and he realized that kids could actually be paid for being on what looked like fun shows. By the time I took him to the auditions last year, he was no longer interested, but I insisted he go anyway, telling him the chances of him actually getting a part were slim. The auditions were in an auditorium at Kutztown University. He was such a grump that after we got home I gave up all hope of interesting him in it. Then a month later we got a phone call from the producer. Kahl had scored two parts: The standin/body double for the lead, and an orphan in some orphanage scenes.

Kahl's the tall orphan on the left (not the man at far left.) The film, The Hollow Tree, was conceived by a film student at NYU, Patrick Steward. His grandfather told him the story as a child, and when he entered film school he wrote the script and made the film as his thesis project. It is about 30 minutes long and is now being shopped around at film festivals, and the producers are hoping to have it made into a book and feature film. Kahl's scenes were shot in a gorgeous Victorian mansion in Allentown.

As you can see, Kahl's enthusiasm on the day of filming was positively palpable. Although it was fun being called into hair, makeup and wardrobe, the "hurry up and wait" thing did not set well with him. Neither did being there, three hours away, at nine in the morning, for about an hour of filming spread over about eight hours finally starting around noon. B-o-r-i-n-g! Here he is, refusing to play board games with me between takes, hoping craft services will soon please bring something decent to nosh on. Craft services is notoriously bad on all films. For once he agreed with me he had had enough chocolate.

The film's been in post-production for forever, it seemed. Then
we were finally invited to last week's premiere in Ambler, PA. It was held in this beautiful historic theatre. The entire cast, the director, the producers, key grips and anyone else who worked on the film in any capacity were in attendance. Champagne flowed and fantabulous munchies were had by all. Once again, Kahl didn't want to go, but he was a good sport. (Click on any photo to enlarge it.)

Here is Kahl in the theatre lobby at the premiere, in front of some posters for the film. It was a miracle from heaven that I actually got him to pose for this, since he would have preferred to be at home playing on his computer. He would have posed much more willingly if I had hooked up two computer monitors and screened the posters on both of them side by side simultaneously. Unfortunately he had to suffer through standing in front of posters for an actual film he was lucky enough to have been chosen for in the first place instead.

The lobby of the Ambler Theatre was decorated with attractive decor showcasing the film. It was actually the film's second premiere. The first one took place in New York City five days earlier. We chose to attend in Ambler because it was more convenient for us, but it was kind of cool knowing the film's first showing was in the big city just a few days before.

The kids have really grown in the past year. Here are the stars, Amy and Darius. (I don't know Amy's last name so I can't link to her web site. She is a very talented young actor.) Kahl was the stand in for Darius because a year ago they were the same size. Now, almost a year later, Kahl is about five inches taller. By the time I took this picture of the two leads, Kahl was outside in the car waiting for Ken and me. He'd had the snacks and the screening was over so he was ready to go home, never to set foot anywhere near movie filming again, if he has his way about it.

Despite the fact that it didn't take as a hobby or even a vague interest, Ken and I were both very proud of Kahl for making a commitment to be in the film and then sticking to it. This included doing the right thing by attending the premiere to give our support to the director and producers. Who knows? If The Hollow Tree concept/story is sold to a major studio, in a couple of years it could be coming to a theatre near you as a full length feature film. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that if that happens, our son Kahl will not be purchasing a ticket.